The Need to Intellectualize
Its a strong need for a lot of us.
I used to need to discuss things and question what others are doing or going through to understand it.
But do i?
No, not really. I think i did it to help myself heal.
Life comes down to only worrying about myself, but i find myself needing to understand why people cant just do things and move forward. Why the resistance?
(Yet, i have also suffered from resistance. A lot. For years. )
And it makes no sense to tell someone they are in a resistance phase because they have to do it. They have to go through it all and come out the other side. Just as i have been doing.
Yet, I feel their pain, i feel their hurt. Its a lot for me. Thats why i get frustrated by other peoples’ shortcomings. Yet, i expect others to hold that space for me?
Thats completely unfair.
Its harder to look in the mirror than it is to point fingers.
So how do we support, without judgement?
How do i not say the wrong thing?
How do i still be comfortable in my skin, when all i can feel is their discomfort?
I want to give answers.
Maybe thats not the point!
Listening and empathizing is the answer.
Being that kind listener, loving ear and supportive person they can lean into.
That is love.
Cleaning house
My inlaws recently started deep cleaning. This has probably been a few years in progress. It jump started with a flooded basement. Then it progressed with my family moving into their home while our house was under construction. And now, it progresses as the timing is right and they are ready.
Cleaning out south sides of basements can be a daunting task. Its clearing out the old, making room for the new. Anytime clearing is happening, it makes room for growth, the space to grow. This can happen in so many ways, but the physical decluttering helps the mental and the spiritual growth as well.
This is a hard process for my family. There are a lot of heirlooms in that basement. Special pieces of woodwork designed and built by a deceased grandpa, baby clothes and toys that were saved in hopes of having more children, a deceased spouse’s memories, after being taken in his early 30’s from Cancer.
All of these things are SO hard to let go of. It feels like saying goodbye for good when we release items. This is a delicate matter and cannot be judged or forced. It can be very overwhelming for those involved.
I write this because i saw the pain a beloved, trusted family member caused when she reacted to the clean up operation out of judgement vs love.
She came in and out, without support or help and said they were hoarders. But then, also offered to take a small piece of furniture she saw while she was there.
This left the family members cleaning feeling embarrassed, defeated and a bit angry.
It is SO easy to judge and say things we dont even realize can hurt others. I guarantee i do it, unknowingly. You do it, we all do.
The true goal is to be curious, ask questions and to say supportive, kind words.
You never know what someone is going through. Be kind, Always.
In this respect, staying “centered” is very important.
You can only be loving, kind and supportive to others, if you are loving kind and supportive to yourself.
Take the time to take care of you.
Sending love and light❤️
